Coach, Don't Criticize

In our book, Juggling Elephants we point out that, "The relationship between the ringmaster and the performers affects the success of the circus." One key area of building or tearing down your relationship with the other performers in your circus is how well are you providing feedback or correcting others when a mistake is made. Do you tend to coach or do you just criticize?

When mistakes are made, emotions tend to be added to the dynamic of the situation. You may be mad, frustrated or confused that the mistake was made. The person that made the mistake might be embarrassed, discouraged, defensive or oblivious. Your natural tendency might be to just quickly point out the mistake, tell them to fix the problem and then move on. Addressing a mistake poorly can just add fuel to an already smoldering fire. Turning your back and not taking advantage of the moment to teach or help others improve is just being selfish.

There are plenty of critics out there pointing out what is wrong with something and then conveniently moving on. Next time that you see the opportunity for improvement consider the following:

• Stop. It is easy to ignore an opportunity to coach


• Think. Don't jump into a potentially flammable situation without taking the time necessary to properly organize your thoughts


• Listen. How did the mistake happen? What were the causes? What is their side of the story?


• Teach. Share knowledge, experience and how to...


• Discuss. Work together to come up with a potential third alternative on how to improve and keep the mistake from happening again

It would be nice if there were more coaches that are in it "for the season" and who not only point out the problem, but also help create a solution. Be the coach and not the critic.

Reviewing Your Work As A Ringmaster

Salary.com posted an article entitled, "The Seven Noble Virtues of the Workplace." They interviewed employees about what they considered to be the most important virtues to have in the workplace. They were:

• Prudence (Knowing when to keep quiet about something)
• Justice (Being honest and fair with others)
• Restraint (Allowing coworkers to make their own mistakes)
• Courage (Accepting challenging tasks)
• Faith (Trusting your teams)
• Hope (Being generally optimistic)
• Charity (Helping coworkers with their projects even if you will see no benefit)

 The list might be a good way for you to review your work as a ringmaster to insure that you are creating and maintaining an environment where your performers are motivated to give their best effort.

Distracted Conversation

I saw a cartoon by Piero Tonin that to me was too real to life for me to laugh. The cartoon shows a boss with a phone in his hand talking to his employee. The boss is saying, "Would you mind if I made a few calls while I carefully listen to your ideas?"

This is more reality than it is a joke. I see this message delivered non-verbally, multiple times each day. It isn't always as blatant as the cartoon (although at least the boss is asking permission) but distracted conversations are a common occurrence

For example, I was recently meeting with an executive and reviewing a detailed and complex proposal. As we were visiting, his smart phone continually beeped as he would receive an incoming text message or email. EVERY TIME that the phone beeped, he would immediately turn on his phone and read the message - sometimes even while he was attempting to share his thoughts at the same time. A few times he even had to ask me to repeat my last comment because he had missed what I was saying as he read his message. Soon, I pushed back my chair and completely disengaged from the meeting. If our time together isn't important enough to shut off the phone, turn off email and/or focus, then why should I waste my breath and best thinking? He is free to waste his time since it is on his dime. I get paid the same either way.

I see this happening at the dinner table (not just with teenagers), in restaurants, in meetings, on conference calls, in social settings, during training events, while driving, etc. People think that they can mentally do two things at once or carry on two conversations at once. But the reality is they are distracted, not completely processing ideas and wasting the other person's time - not to mention that it is extremely rude and offensive.

If you are consistently carrying on distracted conversations, you should consider what type of message you are sending. You should also realize that trying to do two things at once means that you are actually not doing either thing well at all.

Three Ways To Disengage Your Performers

According to research done by Christopher Sibona, a graduate student at the University of Colorado Denver, the number 1, 2 and 3 reasons people get "unfriended" on Facebook are:

• Frequent, unimportant posts
• Posts about polarizing topics like politics
• Inappropriate posts, such as racist or suggestive comments

Couldn't the same be said for how we sometimes cause the performers in our circus to disengage from our circus? Giving too much information too often, introducing topics for discussion that have no purpose in moving work forward, or simply bringing up a conversation on something that violates someone's value system occur way too often in the workplace.

I have a friend who uses the answers to 3 questions to filter his words. He is the most respected man I know, and yes, he is a leader who has many performers who are willing to give their best effort to accomplish the objectives set before them. The questions are:

• Is it true?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it kind?

You may not choose the same 3 questions, but getting some guidelines in place might help prevent those moments when you push away those you need close to you-at work and in life.

Annoying Phrases Used By A Ringmaster

A few months ago in our monthly newsletter we highlighted the annoying phrases used by a ringmaster. On Friday, October 23, USA Today had a "Snapshot" survey in which they asked, Which of these is most annoying in conversation? The phrases (and the percentage responding "yes"to the phrase) were:

• "Whatever" (47%)


• "You Know" (25%)


• "It is what it is" (11%)


• "Anyway" (7%)


• "At the end of the day" (2%)

How many of these have you already used today?