Getting Help with Your Circus

Confidant, Mentor, Sounding Board, Counselor, Tutor, Guide, Teacher, a Listening Ear, Guru or Advisor. Who do you turn to when you need advice, direction or to just relieve some steam? In a lot of situations, it may be a spouse, parent or significant other. You may turn to a professional counselor, therapist or life coach. On the other hand, you may be going it alone.

Consider formally creating a relationship with someone of your choosing to help you with your "circus." Even better, create a situation with someone where you can work together in supporting each other. Meet on a regular basis (monthly, weekly, daily?) to discuss those things that are important to you and that you might need help with. When you meet, consider these ideas:

• At the beginning of your time together, allow for some sharing of frustrations and concerns. At the same time, don't spend too much time venting or complaining.
  


• Focus on goals. Use the time to "return and report" about progress toward goals. We attended a session where a speaker shared that he has a daily call with his coach to report on his eating habits, exercise, progress on writing a book and a whole list of other items. Knowing that he will have to report on his progress to his coach provides him the healthy pressure that he needs to get things done
• You have two ears and one mouth. Consider listening more than speaking. Sometimes people just need to share their feelings and be heard. Also, don't dominate the conversation. Be sure you are allowing for equal time.
• Instead of burdening your spouse/significant other with work-related problems, consider finding a colleague that you can download with and share advice.
• Keep a list. Create a place in your smart phone, planner or on a plain piece of paper that you carry with you where you can make a list of things that you would like to discuss and get feedback/advice on. This will make for more meaningful meetings.
• Create boundaries. There may be some topics and subjects that you don't want to discuss or hear. Set these boundaries upfront so that awkward situations are avoided. You may want to be very focused with those things that you discuss
• Set a timer. A timer will make sure that each person has an equal amount of time and forces you to keep to your allotted amount of time for the whole session together. Remember, the goals is to meet regularly. If you have marathon meetings, you might be hesitant to schedule a regular session

Continuous improvement is an important part of "creating the performance of a lifetime." Getting assistance, advice and feedback can be a great way to see things differently and assist you in your efforts to accomplish the things that are most important to you.

Give Time Not Just Gifts - Again

We probably have written a blog about giving the gift of time, this time of the year, for every year that we have been writing blogs. But it is a principle worth repeating over and over again.

The gift of time is probably the most prized gift that you can give your friends and family this holiday season. Ask a parent who doesn't see their children or grandchildren regularly. Ask a child who would love to play a game with their father or read a story with their mother. Ask a young couple who has been apart for an extended period of time. Time spent together is precious. Build in time together as a part of your holiday plans. The good news is that is isn't expensive and the memory of that time together will last forever.

Three Ways To Disengage Your Performers

According to research done by Christopher Sibona, a graduate student at the University of Colorado Denver, the number 1, 2 and 3 reasons people get "unfriended" on Facebook are:

• Frequent, unimportant posts
• Posts about polarizing topics like politics
• Inappropriate posts, such as racist or suggestive comments

Couldn't the same be said for how we sometimes cause the performers in our circus to disengage from our circus? Giving too much information too often, introducing topics for discussion that have no purpose in moving work forward, or simply bringing up a conversation on something that violates someone's value system occur way too often in the workplace.

I have a friend who uses the answers to 3 questions to filter his words. He is the most respected man I know, and yes, he is a leader who has many performers who are willing to give their best effort to accomplish the objectives set before them. The questions are:

• Is it true?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it kind?

You may not choose the same 3 questions, but getting some guidelines in place might help prevent those moments when you push away those you need close to you-at work and in life.

Who Is By Your Side?

Your relationships with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and your community are a vital and important part of your life. It is my opinion that it doesn't matter what job you have, what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, or the size of your bank account. What does matter are the people that walk by your side and go through life's experiences with you.

The challenge is that it takes a long time to develop and grow relationships and yet you can literally destroy them in a moment. Relationships are something that need to be constantly nurtured, developed and protected. Consider these basic ideas for building the relationships that matter to you:

• Say "Please", "Thank you", "I'm sorry", "I was wrong", "Forgive me", "How can I help?"


• Be considerate, good, decent and courteous


• Bite your tongue. Count to 10 when you are angry. Think before you speak.


• "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." If this is the case, think really hard of something nice and say it instead


• "Turn the other cheek", "...go with him twain", "...let him have thy cloak also."


• Remember that love is spelled, T-I-M-E. It is all about quality AND quantity of time spent together

When you put more of yourself into your personal relationships you will find that you will get more out of them. If you do the minimum to "just get by" what kind of results do you expect? Don't settle for minimal results.

See If You Saw This One Coming...

Okay. You are on a diet and you are at a restaurant for dinner (Yes, that already seems like a paradox, I know). When getting recommendations on what you should eat for dinner, whose food choice are you more likely to accept-one from an obese server or a thin server?

According to ScienceDirect, a study of the University of Columbia conducted such a study. The results? 59% accepted the recommendation from the obese server while only 36% accepted the food choice of the thin server. Why? According to Brent McFerran, one of the researchers, the dieter could more readily identify with the obese server.

I wanted to be surprised by their findings, but it's the same thing we find so often when working with the performers in our circus. We tend to more quickly trust people who we sense have the same values, beliefs and circumstances we are facing. It doesn't mean we should wear our values, beliefs and struggles on our sleeves, but the findings do reinforce that we need to find common ground with others-especially if we want them to accept an idea, feedback or other information from us.