The Single Parent As Ringmaster

If ever there was anyone who comes close to being able to actually juggle elephants, it would have to be the single parent. They are quite simply amazing in their ability to maintain their job, take care of a family and sometimes even squeeze out a few moments for themselves.

At a recent training program I met another one of these incredible ringmasters who was struggling with their "wide open" circus. In our discussion after the program we talked about a number of strategies to attempt to help them run their circus a little more smoothly. They included:

Work Ring

• Leverage every resource to make your job more manageable. Whether technology, work schedule or people. Be willing to ask if additional resources are available if you feel like you are drowning.

Relationship Ring

• Carve out a dedicated block of time to spend with a child or children each week. Even if it's only 30 minutes. Guard it with your life. Make it something they (and you) look forward to, and turn off the mobile phone or Blackberry. Don't overlook the morning hours. A quality sit-down breakfast may nurture more than the body.

Self Ring

• Recognize you desperately need that "me" time to rejuvenate your own energy. By taking a moment or two for yourself, you will actually be making yourself a better parent and employee.

Most importantly, don't be afraid to engage the other performers in your circus to assist you.

An Orange or a Grapefruit

There has been a lot of information lately on dealing with stress and difficult times. A real simple question related to our attitudes is, "Are you a orange or a grapefruit when you come under pressure?" Are you sweet when you are stressed or are you sour?

It is very easy to let our emotions run away with us. For most people, it takes a constant and/or consistent reminder to stay positive and happy. So, what will it be for you? What will remind you to stay positive? Try hanging a picture and/or quote somewhere that you see regularly that acts as a reminder. Place it on the bathroom mirror, on the wall in your office or on the dashboard of your car.

Consider another strategy related to leaving your stress and frustrations from your work in the office. Before you walk into your home, ceremonially place your worries and frustrations somewhere outside or in your garage before you enter. Hang them up. Bury them. Leave them in the car. Don't worry, they will be there in the morning when you leave for work. But, leave them behind and forget about them so that your family and friends don't have to deal with them as well. Put a smile on your face and then walk in the door.

So why is this important? Why should you be sweet and not sour? The world needs you to be inspiring. There is a need for more people that are lifting others up and figuring out ways to make things better. Those that are positive and focus on solutions and don't get consumed with all that is wrong (which can be paralyzing) seem to come out on top in the end. Even if you don't end up on top, you will be rewarded with strong relationships in your 3 rings. People want to be around people that are kind, positive and happy.

The old song, "Accentuate the Positive" holds sound advice that is very relevant today: "You've gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, don't mess with Mister In-between." Be the ringmaster. Be an orange!

Accelerated Irrelevance

What a pungent phrase! A recent review of the "Big 3" automakers in the United States used the phrase "accelerated irrelevance" in describing how the industry had reached it's current poor state of affairs. I think it could aptly apply to how many of us move through our day, week and sometimes, our very lives.

The phrase brings to mind the idea of moving more quickly away from what is relevant or important. It means choices made that are not grounded in a person (or industry's) purpose or mission statement. It is shaky ground to say the least.

Think about the last choice you made that moved you quickly away from what was more important. Was it an unimportant task you took on at home? How about a management decision you made at work that not only took you away from what was relevant, but it also propelled the people on your team in the same direction as well? One poor choice led to another until you were on a fast track to nowhere-nowhere important to be more specific.

The antithesis of the phrase is even more interesting: "Accelerated relevance." What choices could you make today that would move you more quickly back to what is important? Remember, we are all working and living at a breakneck pace-but in what direction (and how quickly) are we moving?

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

No, this post is not about the tune from the Beatles. It's about a quick stress reduction method you can quickly use when around your immediate family members.

According to a study by researchers at Brigham Young University (See USA Today, September 29), a supportive and caring touch like holding hands can lower stress hormones and blood pressure. Especially among men! The study involved couples, but the results were expected to be similar to other loved ones.

I accidentally affirmed their research this weekend. I was rushing around attempting too many acts in my circus when my 4 year old daughter took my hand while we were walking down the steps. I mentally, physically and emotionally came to a screeching halt. I could feel the tension leave my body. It was amazing! The next few moments were quite different.

This doesn't mean that the next time you feel a high level of stress that you should grab a co worker's hand-that could increase your stress even more. It does, however, give you a fast way to reduce your stress-and probably help you focus on your purpose a little more clearly.

B and C Vacations

I give complete credit of this idea to our friends Michelle and Kevin. I think it is a great way to look at the type of intermissions that we take. They explained to me that they plan two types of vacations. "B Vacations" and "C Vacations." A "B Vacation" is where they go to just relax, take it easy and "be." A "C Vacation" is where they go to "see" things, run from place to place, play hard, etc.

Sometimes it is important to have "Be Vacations" for just recharging our batteries. If we are run down and end up taking a "See Vacation" then we can sometimes come back to work in worse shape than we left. We have all returned from an intermission stating that we need a vacation from the vacation.

Another variation on the theme is to schedule a vacation with the first half being the "see" part and the second half being the "be" part. Take a few days at the end of your vacation to relax, rest your feet and unwind before heading back to your normal routine. You will return from your intermission with renewed energy and ready to tackle the other acts in your circus.