The Single Parent As Ringmaster

If ever there was anyone who comes close to being able to actually juggle elephants, it would have to be the single parent. They are quite simply amazing in their ability to maintain their job, take care of a family and sometimes even squeeze out a few moments for themselves.

At a recent training program I met another one of these incredible ringmasters who was struggling with their "wide open" circus. In our discussion after the program we talked about a number of strategies to attempt to help them run their circus a little more smoothly. They included:

Work Ring

• Leverage every resource to make your job more manageable. Whether technology, work schedule or people. Be willing to ask if additional resources are available if you feel like you are drowning.

Relationship Ring

• Carve out a dedicated block of time to spend with a child or children each week. Even if it's only 30 minutes. Guard it with your life. Make it something they (and you) look forward to, and turn off the mobile phone or Blackberry. Don't overlook the morning hours. A quality sit-down breakfast may nurture more than the body.

Self Ring

• Recognize you desperately need that "me" time to rejuvenate your own energy. By taking a moment or two for yourself, you will actually be making yourself a better parent and employee.

Most importantly, don't be afraid to engage the other performers in your circus to assist you.

One For Those Who Have Children In Their Lineup

Carlos Slim Helu is one of the richest men in the world. To help you better understand his wealth, consider this: If you make a landline phone call in Mexico, 92% of the time the call will be carried over phone lines belonging to his company.

In an interview with Fortune Magazine, some of his charitable giving was highlighted and the passion for his children and grandchildren was obvious. The interviewer asked "Slim" about his philosophy on life and what guided some of these behaviors. His answer is something every parent (including me) needs to hear time and time again. He said, "Many people want to leave a better world for their children. I'm trying to leave better children for my world."

WOW!!!! While there is no doubt we need to be building a better tomorrow for the coming generations, I wonder what impact we could all have if those of us who are parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, neighbors, etc. focused on "building" better children. Ones who have the character, attitude and abilities to succeed in such an uncertain future. A better world indeed.

Family Schedules

While my family and I have maintained somewhat of a daily "schedule" we have often strayed from it to accommodate things that in reality were not important or could have been done later. We also just got lazy from time to time.

A few weeks ago my wife and I decided to make a change. We created a daily schedule that includes both a morning routine and our afternoon/evening routine. We built in regularly weekly activities such as piano practice and church events. We also included the weekly family "intermission" as well as time for just mom and dad. We didn't just put in the things we "had" to do, but also the things we wanted to do.

It is incredible how liberating it has been to everyone in our family. Each of us know when/where we need to be and what has to accomplished each day. It has helped us to "police" our own personal schedules and get the most important things done so we are ready for family events. I have personally benefited from the increased focus time in the evening. I'm finally getting the personal reading time I have been looking for. Our stress level as a family has diminished, due in large part to having "no surprises." Before going to bed each night, we talk as a family about the next day, and see what changes might be needed to keep our lives in better order.

Yes, there have been some adjustments and changes made. The benefits, however, have been terrific-for all of us.

Teens and the Juggling Elephants Routine

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I were extremely frustrated with our teenage daughter (I said teenager so you are thinking... and you're surprised?). She is an outstanding young lady, but had become quite distant, aloof and downright cranky at times. When we had a discussion with her a few days ago, the reasons she gave for her disposition were somewhat surprising. She said, "I just feel so much pressure to get things done-I don't have alot of time to do what I want. I just would like not to be so rushed." And she is only 13.

While my wife and I consider ourselves to be "good parents," we sometimes don't do an adequate job helping our daughter learn to be the ringmaster of her circus. We might set a poor example or just expect her to jump into the lineup. We also haven't spent enough time helping her to better learn how to manage her time and energy.

Teens today face enormous pressures from all sides. Somehow in the midst of the chaos, we need to teach (and model) the behaviors that will help them deal with the rush of more complex acts that will come their way as they get older. What's the old saying, "An ounce of prevention......"

I am happy to report that after a family "performance review" our daughter is more like herself. And mom, dad and sister better understand what acts they need to have in their lineup to make sure it doesn't happen again soon.

A Major Performance Tonight!

Today is recognized across the US as Family Day-A day to eat dinner with your children. According to CASA (Center for Addiction & Substance Abuse at Columbia University), research has consistently shown that children who eat dinner with their families at least 3 times per week are less likely to smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs.

That's not surprising. As a parent, the more time we spend in our "relationship ring" with our children, the more comfortable they are talking about any number of things. It's also a superb time for us to simply listen to them. I just spent the better part of 4 days with my 3 year old daughter and I can tell you that I have a much better understanding of her. Sure, I spend lots of time with my family members, but so often I am jumping from ring to ring instead of making my time with them the only act I am focused on at the moment.

May you bring a great performance into your relationship ring tonight-quality time with your family.

For more informaton on Family Day: http://www.casafamilyday.org/